Q & No A

Sorry I've been the worst of the worst about blogging lately.  It all got hectic around finals week, as you can read in my other blog.

I don't know what I want to tell you.  I just know that I want to be blogging.

Everything is somehow coming together now, in more wonderful ways than I could have hoped for.  I did well on all of my finals, or at least the ones that have been graded already.  I passed 3 (I think?) semesters of French via the FLATS test, which means that I

officially

have enough credits to transfer next fall.

Don't get me wrong, I love SVU, I really do.  And I still have doubts about whether I'm going to transfer at all.  SVU is a great school.  It has the 1 on 1 interaction that I sometimes really need with a professor, and the classes are small enough that I hardly ever get overlooked.  I've made some amazing friends that I don't want to lose, and I've learned so much about myself, about the Gospel, about how to be a grown up.

I already know what I have to do.  Pray, fast, read my scriptures.  Make sure that the decision I make is the right one.  The Lord makes it so easy for us to reach him.  There are so many things to take advantage of, from reading talks on the lds.org website to simply kneeling down in prayer and humbly asking.  I don't think that I do that enough.

In fact, I know that I don't.  My friend Sarah asked me some questions a few days ago that really got my brain working.  She asked me to share my testimony, and the first thing out of my mouth was, "I don't know." And then she started asking me more questions about what I would say; why I never bore my testimony, for instance.  Why I didn't feel like it would benefit anyone.

Why don't I know?  How can I be claiming to have such a closeness to our Father in Heaven if I don't have a fundamental faith and knowledge of his Gospel?

...Why don't I know?  Why haven't I been asking to know?  Why am I expecting some dramatic event to convert me?

I don't know what my deal is.  So wrapped up in the newness of college, that I lost sight of the areas that I really should be learning in, praying about, maybe.

Well, blogosphere, I'm tired and I'm going to go to bed.  Maybe you should start thinking about hitting the sack, too.  I'm sorry that I brought all of this up and not resolving it.  It's a work-in-progress.