The Low-down.

It's true.  I haven't posted a blog on Whits and Whimsy for such a long time.  I haven't done a lot of things.

I guess I've been focusing so much of my energy outward, on completing tasks and interacting, that I haven't been looking inward.  Or maybe I've been looking inward too much, and not bothering to do anything about it.

Either way, here goes nothing.

I just had a bizarre nap dream full of wish fulfillment and imagination exercises, and waking up was a sort of...  Okay, it was pretty disappointing.  So now I find myself in the right mood to write one of these no-holds-barred blog posts.

One of my main goals of self-improvement is to stop complaining as much.  It really hit me in wrestling, actually.  We had just finished a super sweat-worthy workout, and were all talking about what hurts, what we want to work on next time, that sort of thing.  And then Jess, our coach of sorts (and Coach's wife) said, after we had been talking about hard workouts and quitting,  "Yeah, I'm only really worried about you, Dain.  You're the one that complains the most."

That was a paraphrase.  She said it a bit more nicely than that, but I got the point.  In a small team like our women's wrestling team, every girl has pretty much all the room she wants to voice her own opinion and be heard.  For me, it was mostly complaining and asking stupid questions.  Everyone else buckled in and didn't complain about the workout, because it was simply a part of being on the team.  No questions.  You do what needs to be done.

Not me, apparently.  I voice my opinion: loudly.  I complain enough that everyone knows I'm the weakling, I'm the girl that doesn't know anything, I'm the one that is most likely to quit.

Is that the image that I want to have?  The Complainer?

I think not.

So, I told myself that I was going to stop complaining so much, and start sucking it up and putting on a happy face even when I may not feel it.

It's crazy hard.  I don't even catch myself complaining until my friend Emily tells me that I am (I asked her to). And I've already ruined what could have been fun evenings, because I got caught up in my thoughts and wouldn't let myself be pulled out of them.

Sure, I've got other goals.  Be fearless.  Be aware.  Reach out to others.  Be more obedient to the promptings of the Spirit.  And I'm working on them, very slowly and softly.  Some days are good days, some days are not.

Anyway, that's just a long-due update on the vortex of my swirling thoughts and emotions right now.  When I focus inward, that's most likely where I'm going to go.  That, and that fear of being alone forever that has suddenly cropped back up in my life.  I'll deal with it, no worries.

:)  All in all, I am me.  Content enough, being studious, trying to improve my attitude.  One baby step at a time.