Staying or Going

I just remembered that I promised someone that I would update this blog, so here I am at last.  Better late than never, I guess.

I've got a big fat blister on my left middle finger from playing the guitar, but every time I play it gets a little easier. I'm really excited about it.  I'll need to actually learn someday, but for now I'm content with memorizing the chords in my song.

I don't really know what's on my mind.  I've just brought out my camera for the first time in something like a year.  I missed it, I do admit.  It's old and clunky and loud, but I don't really care.  It's my camera, and I love it anyway.

I guess what I've been thinking about lately is the looming decision about staying at SVU, if it even is a decision at all.  I know that I shouldn't waste my time worrying about it when I haven't even submitted my application to BYU yet, let alone been accepted or denied, but it's all that I could think about today in church.

There are ups and downs to either decision, and it has evened out so much in my mind that I start to sway one direction or the other, and then I think of reasons to swing the other way.  I'm always back in the middle.

There's nothing to do but keep persevering in school and hope that, as the decision (if I get accepted by BYU) draws closer, it'll become clearer.

I'm done with school.  Especially now that everyone seems to be leaving after the first block, I can't help but feel stranded.  I want to be home, with the brats and the rents and the obnoxious children in the fam ward.  I want my incredibly messy bedroom all to myself, with the Chinese lantern lamp that always falls onto my bed. I want my smelly dog and I want to drive the minivan.  I want to go "down the shore" and laugh at all of the shoobies.  I want Wawa less than five minutes from my house, and I want to eat a cheese steak.  I want childhood things again.

Now that I'm thinking about home, I'm thinking about London, too.  One of the many reasons I have for staying at SVU is a travel study to Oxford next July.  I miss England, and I really need to get myself back there.  I've heard that the trip is fantastically fun, and we'd be at OXFORD.  Freakin' Oxford!  I could just melt.

Yeah, I know that there are travel study opportunities at other schools, I'm not thick.  I just feel like SVU is close-knit, and it'd be a better, more interesting experience travelling with fellow SVU students.

Anyway, that's what's on my mind.  After finals for Block 1 classes, my life is going to get really lonely.  I wish I could say that I know my friends won't forget about me and will write me letters and skype me all the time, but I don't think that's going to happen.  I've already been at school for almost a year and I've only gotten letters from my mom.  Actually, even she's stopped writing.  And skyping?  Nah, that doesn't happen.

It's nice to know that I'm such a low priority to everyone back home and everyone from school.

Oh well.